Passages of Time

October 1, 2007 by enchantingsunshine.

Once again, it’s a Monday and I sit in my cubicle at work thinking that it’s only another five days before the weekend again.

Ever since I was a little girl, I have been fascinated with the passage of time. Not in an obsessive, exhaustive, beat-the-horse-to-death, Marcel Proust sort of way, just an interest in how time passes and our lack of power to control it in any way, to stop it, slow it down, or accelerate it.

The first time I remember becoming interested in time was one night before one of our family trips to Ocean City. I couldn’t sleep I was so excited about going to the beach. In a flash of youthful brilliance, I told myself to relax, because before I knew it, we would be there and be home again. Of course, it was true. We often only went to the beach for a weekend anyway, so it didn’t take long for any vacation to be a memory.

I don’t remember the particular catalyst anymore, but a few years ago, I was struck again about time and our impermanence. I made myself a promise that I would never wish away time again, even on a Monday. Occasionally, I do grant myself permission to wish away hours — during certain work meetings and on red-eyes when I get the awful Jimmy Legs. During special moments, like my wedding, or vacations, I try to make a conscious effort to think about time and my placement in it, to fully experience everything about that particular moment, to capture it as best I can, because I know, all too soon, I will be sitting at a desk, trapped again inside an office building, wishing I was still living this beautiful moment. On our hike to Observation Point in Zion, which seemed particularly hard, I kept telling myself, “enjoy this, because it will be a memory too soon.” Of course it is now just that, a memory, a part of my past.

The interesting thing about time and life is that it isn’t just those special events, like vacations, that years later we reflect back on fondly. It’s also the routine. When I was in my early 20s, I had a Sunday night tradition: to have dinner ready, usually spaghetti, in time for “Star Trek, The Next Generation.” Every Sunday at 7:00 pm, dinner had to be ready and I had to be seated in front of the TV by the start of the show. My coffee table was a cardboard box with a sheet over it and I had two old, scratchy sofas, one that had come out of a neighbor’s garage and the other, a relative’s basement. My TV was a tiny little black and white, one of those kind where you were forced to get up and walk across the room if you wanted to change the channel. I had no money in those days, but yet that time of my life is a period of some of my fondest memories.

Last night I had a chance to take a deep breath after the vacation, now that most things (not all) have been put back in their place, and life is returning to normal. When we got back from our trip, the first thing I noticed was the green, green, green trees in my back yard. They are so beautiful. All that beautiful lush green!

As I was updating my website with pictures and looking through national park websites, I realized how much more there is to see. I found myself simultaneously fantasizing about the next trip, and being grateful and loving being home. I love being in my own bed, with my own pillow, and having access to a kitchen, and ice and water, all without any effort. I love my cuddly little cat who shares my pillow at night or curls in the crook of my arm. I love our little traditions of watching certain TV programs, however inane. I even appreciate certain aspects of Generica.

I love the routine of my life and one day, when I’m living somewhere else, I’ll reflect back on this time, and remember fondly the peaceful ordinariness of it.

What I really love the most, is that Stuart has fixed the Internet (or so we truly believe). It’s nice to have time again and access to the net without worrying about the price per minute. I can take the time to catch up with friends, virtual and physical. (My friend over at Mindpinball just updated his blog with a new look - it looks great!)

I could learn to live without a lot of things, but Lord, please don’t ever take away my Internet.

It’s nice to be home, good old ordinary home (as long as the Internet keeps working).

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